This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any actual resemblance to persons or historical persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
The Dukes of Hazzard characters, settings, locales, ect. are owned by other entities who have not endorsed this fic nor have they given express permission for the character's use. Author makes not claims to these characters and is not making any profit from their use.
All original characters are the property of the author.
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© Copyright: 1996-2004. Lisa Philbrick
The Dukes of Hazzard
Author's Note: I always wondered why Boss Hogg, having put Daisy
and Luke under hypnosis, and taking advantage of Bo while he had amnesia,
never put Rosco under hypnosis. This story provides at least one answer.
:-)
In Hazzard County, the day wouldn't be complete without the General
Lee being chased by one of Hazzard's finest.
The General Lee, with Luke Duke at the wheel, sped over the dusty road
while being chased by Deputy Enos Strate.
Of course, of the entire Hazzard County Sheriff's Department, Deputy
Enos Strate is the only one the Dukes can trust and rely on in an emergency.
But Enos's duty to the law, even Boss Hogg's laws, means that even
once in awhile the General Lee had to be chased be Enos. Wouldn't be
Hazzard County if he didn't.
"What do you suppose Enos wants?" Bo asked.
"Probably wants to give me a ticket for hitting 56 for about five seconds
a couple of miles back," Luke said. "Thing is, we can't afford no more
citations."
"Well," Bo said. "You know what to do."
"That I do," Luke said and pushed down on the accelerator.
"Hey," Enos said when he realized the General Lee wasn't slowing down,
"them boys ain't slowin' down." He picked up his CB mike. "Come on
fellas, slow down now, don't make me tell Uncle Jesse on y'all."
"Sorry, Enos," Bo replied, "but the Hazzard County Sheriff's Department
has no place on our financial planner for the day."
As the General sped up, Enos fell further behind. Luke steered the General
off the road and cut through some bushes and came out to another road.
Barreling towards the Dukes was a brown sedan.
"Hey," the passenger in the brown sedan said, "isn't that them Duke boys
we're suppose to set up?"
"Yes, it is, and now is as good a time as any," the driver replied and
aimed the sedan at the General.
"Luke, look out!" Bo exclaimed.
Luke turned the steering wheel hard to the left and the General skidded
off the road and crunched it's left front fender into a tree.
"Oh, man," Bo said when the car settled. "You okay?"
"Yeah," Luke replied. "Can't say the same for the General though."
"Shoot."
Meanwhile, the brown sedan returned to where the General had gone off
the road and the two men got out of their car.
Friends and neighbors, I do believe trouble has found the Dukes.
And we just got started!
"You fellas all right?" the driver asked in rehearsed concern. "Holy
mackerel we're really sorry."
"Couldn't decide which side of the road ya wanted could ya?" Bo said
disgustedly as he climbed out of the window.
"I'm sorry. My friend here was trying to show me something on the map
and I just took my eyes of the road for a second. When I looked up
you were there. We're really sorry."
While the man had spoke, Luke had climbed out of the General and joined
Bo and the two men. "I suppose some of it's our fault too," he said,
"driving out of the bushes like that."
"We're sorry about your car too. An old Charger like that. Looks like
you boys take good care of it. Here," he said and dug into his back
pocket. He flipped open a bill fold. "Take this to repair your car
and we'll forget the whole thing." He handed the boys three one-hundred
dollar bills.
The boys were bug-eyed at the sight of the large bills.
"Well hey, thanks a lot, but-" Luke started to lightly protest.
"And here's a twenty in case you gotta pay for a tow truck. Please, take
it, it'll be easier then going through insurance claimsandpolice reports."
"Well," Luke said. "Alright. Thank you kindly. That's right neighborly
of ya." He took the money.
"You're welcome. Now my friend and I have to go but you boys take care
of yourselves now ya here?"
"We will. And we owe you one," Luke said.
The boys watched the two men return to their car and drive away.
"Can you believe that?" Bo said looking at the $320 Luke had in his hand.
"How much do you think Cooter's going to charge for fixin' that fender?"
"Probably $300 and a $20 towing charge," Luke replied when he heard another
car approaching. He looked up to see the white patrol car. "Unless
Enos slaps a $20 speedin' ticket on us."
"Oh great," Bo muttered as Enos pulled over.
"You boys ought not to have run off like that," Enos said as he got out
of the car. "I'm gonna have to give you a ticket." He looked at the
General. "What happened to the General Lee?"
"Coupla guys ran us off the road," Luke explained. "How much is the ticket
Enos?"
"Twenty dollars. I'm real sorry, fellas."
"It's all right, Enos." Luke held out the twenty dollar bill. "Write
up the ticket and we'll pay it right here."
Enos began to fill out the ticket.
Meanwhile, at the Boar's Nest, them two fellas that sucker-punched
the General were talkin’ to Boss. Trouble has indeed arrived for the
Dukes.
"Alright," Boss said. He was seated at the table in his office with
Rosco standing just behind him. "You boys had no trouble slippin' those
counterfeit bills to the Duke boys?"
"No trouble at all," Frank, the driver, said seated across from Boss.
"Good," Boss said with a satisfied laugh. "Now, Rosco, hand me that box
there."
Boss pointed to a cardboard box on the floor by the pool table. Rosco
picked it up and placed it on the table in front of Boss.
Boss opened the box.
"Ooo, look at all them goodies," Rosco said.
"Yeah," Boss said. "Now, you boys know what to do with this don'chya?"
"Plant it in the Duke barn," Frank said.
"Right. Now there's some bills, some paper, a couple of bottles of ink
and a set of them plates you boys swiped. After Rosco here arrests
them counterfeitin' Dukes, and 'confiscates the evidence,' we'll be
right back to printin' with these plates." Boss closed the box. "Alright,
now you boys get goin' and make sure nobody sees you when you put this
stuff in their barn."
Frank nodded and picked up the box. He and his partner left out the back
door.
Rosco let out a trademark snicker. "I'm tellin' ya, Boss, this time you've
really outdone yourself. It amazes me how all these brilliant idears
come out of that fat little head of yours."
"Yeah, heh heh."
"When do I get to arrest them counterfeitin' Dukes and confiscate all
that evidence?"
"Soon, Rosco, soon. But first, I have to give you a briefin'," Boss said
and got up. He went to the door that led to the bar room.
"Ooo a briefin'. I love briefin's, discussin' all the fine details of
a great plan." He giggled. "I love it!"
While Rosco was talking, Boss had called somebody in from the bar room.
The individual entered Boss's office and sat down at the table.
"Rosco, you remember the Professor don't ya?" Boss asked.
"Oh yeah," Rosco replied, "he does all that hypnotist stuff. Who ya gonna
have hypnotized this time, Boss?"
"You."
"Doh! Me?! What for?"
"To be honest, Rosco, it's so you don't fumble this up."
"Oh."
"Now sit here in my barber chair so the Professor can do his thing,"
Boss said.
Rosco sat in the chair as the Professor dug out a time piece.
Now y'all payin' attention? 'Cuz while Boss was having Rosco put
under hypnosis, them two badies were plantin' that evidence in the
Duke barn and the boys were passin' that phony twenty dollar bill to
Enos. For once, the boys could pay a speedin' ticket and the money's
phony. And if gettin' in trouble for passin' that phony twenty isn't
bad enough, imagine how they're gonna feel when they realize that 300
is no good neither.
Enos ripped the ticket from the book and handed it to Luke who handed
Enos the twenty dollar bill.
"Won't Boss be surprised we paid for this ticket," Bo said.
"Yeah," Luke said as he ripped up the ticket.
"I'm sorry I had to give y'all a ticket," Enos said.
"It's alright, Enos, don't worry about it. We'll see ya later alright?"
Luke said.
"Okay," Enos said and got into his patrol car. "Say hello to Uncle Jesse
and Daisy for me."
"We will," Bo said.
Enos waved as he drove off.
"Well, let's get Cooter on the CB and get him out here with his tow truck,"
Luke said.
"You got it," Bo replied.
Meanwhile, at the Duke farm, the two bad guys were finishing up with
planting the evidence.
With Jesse out doin' the back forty, them two fellas had no trouble
planting that evidence.
"Is that everything?" Joe asked.
"Yeah, that's it," Frank said. "Let's get out of here."
They went to their sedan and drove away.
At the Boar's Nest, Boss and the professor were giving Rosco a post-hypnotic
suggestion.
"Well, I've told him everything you wanted me to, J.D. Is there anything
else?"
Boss thought for a moment. "No," he said, "that should be it."
"Now remember, J.D. even though he's still Rosco, he's going to be a
very different Rosco. We need two words or phrases that are similar
yet different to use for each one, and preferably something that won't
come up in everyday conversation. If the
post-hypnotic suggestion should be cancelled before the trial, he won't
remember anything that happened."
"Yeah, that would ruin everything."
"But we should still come up with something that will cancel the suggestion.
He can't stay in the hypnotic state forever."
"He can't? Oh, that's too bad."
"J.D...."
"Alright, alright. Two words or phrases? Let's see, how about..." Boss
thought for a moment. "Ah, I've got it. 'MaryAnne's white Firebird'
for the real Rosco and 'MaryAnne's black Firebird' for the other Rosco.
Those'll never come up 'cuz her car's
blue."
"Okay. Rosco, when you hear the phrase 'MaryAnne's white Firebird' you
will be Rosco P. Coltrane. When you hear the phrase 'MaryAnne's black
Firebird' you will be Rosco Pervis Coltrane. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Rosco droned.
"Alright, J.D. you wanna try it?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. Rosco, I want you to open your eyes."
Rosco did and looked ahead in a blank stare.
"Alright, J.D. go ahead."
Boss nodded. "My," he said, "not many cars like MaryAnne's white Firebird."
Rosco's eyes focused and he blinked. He looked at the Professor then
at Boss.
"Oh," he said, "are we done, Boss?"
"Not yet," Boss said. "You have to be careful of MaryAnne's black Firebird."
Rosco's eyes returned to a blank stare and then he came out of it.
He looked at Boss and the professor again. He then looked around the
office.
"Boss, you mind tellin' me what the hell I'm doin' here?" he spat.
The Professor snapped his fingers and Rosco went back to his blank stare.
"Oh my," Boss said, "you weren't kiddin' when you said he was gonna be
different."
"Rosco, you can close your eyes now." He did.
"Now we need one more phrase to cancel the suggestion all together."
Boss thought for a moment. "I've got it," he said, "MaryAnne's red Firebird."
The professor nodded. "Rosco, when you hear the phrase 'MaryAnne's red
Firebird' you will awaken from the hypnotic state and you will return
to being yourself and will no longer respond to the two previous phrases.
Do you understand?"
"Yes."
"Okay. When I snap my fingers you will wake up as Rosco Pervis Coltrane
and you will remember nothing that has taken place here except what
I told you to remember." The Professor held his hand up and snapped
his fingers.
Rosco opened his eyes. They were the same old blue they'd always been
but something was missing. And whatever it was, it had been replaced
by something not very nice.
You know, I have a feelin' we ain't gonna like this Rosco.
"Alright, Rosco," Boss said, "Come on, we have important business to
tend to in town."
Rosco got up from the barber chair without a word while the professor
left out the back door. He followed Boss out of the office and into
the barroom.
MaryAnne was collecting some beer mugs when Boss and Rosco came out of
the office. She watched as they walked out of the Boar's Nest. Rosco
didn't even look at her.
Now MaryAnne can all ready tell somethin's different about Rosco
by the fact he didn't say anythin' let alone look at her as he left.
Which he always did. When Boss and Rosco got to town they learned of
the boys payin' their ticket and that they paid with that phony twenty.
"They paid their ticket?" Boss said after Enos told them. The three of
them stood in the middle of the booking room. "Well, where's the money?"
"Right here," Enos said. He pulled the twenty from his shirt pocket.
"Let's see that," Boss said, taking the twenty from Enos. He poked his
cigar in his mouth and studied the bill gripping it with both hands.
Suddenly, his eyes went wide in mock surprise.
"Enos," he said, " them boys gave you a counterfeit bill."
"What?!" Enos squeaked. "Are you sure?" He took the bill back from Boss.
"Possumonagumbush, it is a fake," he said.
"Enos," Rosco said, "you spent a year with the LAPD, don't ya recognize
a counterfeit bill when you see one?"
"Well, shoot, Sheriff, I know this is a fake but I can't believe them
Duke boys would be passin' phony money. And to a law enforcement officer!"
"Well they did," Boss said glancing at Rosco, "and they may try to do
it again."
Meanwhile, across the street, the boys and Cooter were pulling into Cooter's
garage with the General Lee in tow behind Cooter's truck.
"Yeah, them fellers that ran ya off the road sound like the kind of guys
you wouldn't mind havin' hit ya again," Cooter said as he and the boys
climbed out of the truck.
"Yeah," Bo agreed. "Hey, how much you think it's gonna cost to have that
fender fixed?"
"Well, it won't cost over three hundred dollars, but I'm not sure if
it'll cost any less neither. If it should be less, before y'all wonder
what you're gonna spend the rest on, remember you still owe me for
previous parts and service," Cooter said.
The boys snickered.
Back at the courthouse, Boss and Rosco were watching the boys from Boss's
office window.
"Them boys will probably try to pay Cooter with those phony hundred dollar
bills to fix that orange clunker car of theirs," Boss said. "Whey they
do, and after they leave, I want you to go over there and find out
if they paid with the counterfeit money. That and the twenty they gave
to Enos will be enough probable cause to get these here search and
arrest warrants, which I already signed. Then I'll finally have them
Duke boys put away for a very, very long time," he finished with a
satisfied chuckle.
* * *
After the boys left, Rosco and Enos marched over to Cooter's garage.
"Don't tell me," Cooter said, "I've got more fenders to fix."
"No," Rosco said. "I want to know if them boys have paid you anythin'
yet for fixin' the General Lee."
"Like a down payment? As a matter of fact they did."
"Can I see the money they paid you with?" Rosco asked.
"The actual money?"
Rosco nodded.
Cooter looked at Enos who nodded encouragingly yet apologetically.
"Alright," Cooter said. He turned to his desk and opened the bottom left
hand drawer, and removed a metal strong box. He opened the box and
took out the crisp one-hundred dollar bill.
"There ya are," Cooter said. "One-hundred dollars. Them boys got that
from a coupla fellas who ran them off the road this morning."
"That has to be where they got it, Sheriff," Enos said. "They told me
about being run off the road too."
"Enos, did you see the fellas that ran them off the road?" Rosco asked.
"Well, no sir."
"Did them Duke boys tell you they got that twenty dollar bill from two
fellas that ran them off the road at the time they paid you?"
"Uh, no sir."
"Then it's probably just an excuse to cover up the fact that they're
printin' it themselves."
"Wait a minute here," Cooter said. "Printin' what themselves?"
"This." Rosco held up the $100 bill. "It ain't worth the paper it's printed
on. It's counterfeit. They passed a twenty to Enos this morning to
pay for a speedin' ticket. Should have known them payin' for a speedin'
ticket at the time it was written was too
good to be true."
"Now hold on here, Rosco," Cooter said defensively. "If them boys say
they got this money from somewhere else, then they got it from somewhere
else."
Rosco eyed Cooter. "We'll see about that," he said and he turned and
headed back toward the police station with Enos in tow.
You know, with Cooter so mad about Rosco tryin' to frame the Dukes
I don't think he even noticed that ol' Rosco wasn't quite ol' Rosco.
But he did notice a frame up when he heard it and CB'd the Dukes to
warn them.
"Breaker one, breaker one, might be crazy but I ain't dumb, Crazy Cooter,
any y'all Dukes home on the Hazzard Net? Got an emergency. Come on."
The boys and Uncle Jesse were in the kitchen when Cooter's call came.
Bo picked up the CB mike.
"Yeah, Cooter, ya got Bo Duke here. Read ya loud and clear. What's up?"
"Big trouble y'all. You know that twenty dollars you gave to Enos to
pay for your speedin' ticket and the hundred you gave me as a down
payment for fixin' the General?"
"Yeah. What about 'em?"
"They're counterfeit. Rosco don't believe y'all got it from them two
fellers and thinks you're printin' it yourselves. He and Enos are on
their way out to your place now."
"Oh great," Bo muttered. "Alright, Cooter, thanks for the warning. We
appreciate it."
"Hey, if y'all need any help, you hollar ya hear?"
"We will. That's a big ten-four." Bo put the CB mike down. "Shoot," he
said. "Real nice fellas them two were givin' us counterfeit money.
How are we gonna convince Rosco that we're not printin' it?"
"Well, the fact that we don't have the equipment to print money with
should be convincin' enough," Luke said. "If he comes out here with
a search warrant he ain't gonna find nothin’."
"And he's gonna have to believe you two about gettin' that money from
those two that ran ya off the road," Jesse said.
"Yeah," Bo agreed. "Of course now we have no money to fix the General
and an unpaid speedin' ticket."
"I think that's the least of our worries at the moment," Luke said.
* * *
The boys and Uncle Jesse were outside when Rosco and Enos pulled up.
As they approached, Jesse spoke.
"Alright, Rosco, what are you up to now? Them phony dollars these boys
passed to Enos and Cooter was an honest mistake and they sure as heck
ain't printin' it themselves."
"Well, now ya see, Jesse, that's what this here search warrant's for.
If I don't find what's listed here then I'll have no call to arrest
your boys," Rosco said.
"Dang right," Jesse said.
"But, if I do find what I'm looking for, y'all better not pull nothin'
funny, 'cause I ain't in no mood." Rosco slapped the warrant in Jesse's
hand and then headed into the house.
The boys and Jesse paused along with Enos before following Rosco in.
"Is it me or does Rosco seem more...tranquil?" Bo asked.
"I noticed that too," Luke said.
"He's been like that all day," Enos explained. "Ever since he and Mr.
Hogg came back from the Boar's Nest."
"Must have been somethin' in the beer," Luke said.
* * *
Rosco went through the house, with help from a reluctant Enos, in about
twenty minutes. And it was all for show. He already knew that what
he was looking for wasn't in the house. He wiped the smirk off his
face before he came back to the kitchen.
"Well," Jesse said, "too bad, Rosco, you didn't find anything. Maybe
if ya listened more often you wouldn't have this problem."
"I ain't done yet, Jesse," Rosco said. "You'll notice that warrant also
allows me to search the barn."
Jesse pulled the warrant from the bib pocket of his faded overalls and
looked at it. "Oh," he said, "so it does."
Rosco walked out of the house with Enos and the Dukes trailing after
him. When he got to the barn he went in, followed by Enos, with the
Dukes watching from the doorway.
Rosco poked around the hay for a bit and then opened one of the crates.
He paused at what he found and then looked at the Dukes.
"Not printin' huh? Then I suppose you just have these bottles of
ink and paper on hand for the fun of it." He lifted the green bottles
and paper out of the crate for the Dukes to see.
"What?!" Bo exclaimed in shock as he, Luke and Uncle Jesse approached
for a closer look.
"We ain't never seen that stuff before," Luke said. "Somebody planted
it there."
"Hey, Sheriff?" Enos called from the other side of the barn. "I found
something. You better come take a look."
Rosco and the Dukes went over to where Enos was standing. On the ground,
partially covered with hay, were several dollars in large denomination
and a set of printing plates.
Rosco placed the paper and bottles he had in his hands on the bale of
hay next to him and bent down to pick up the plates.
"Let me guess. You have these just for the fun of it too," he said.
Bo started to protest. "Rosco, we--"
"Hush. I don't want to hear it. Enos, read 'em their rights."
"Gee fellas, I'm real sorry," Enos said.
"That's alright, Enos," Luke said. "We're real sorry too," and he pushed
the bale of hay against Rosco and the bottles of ink went crashing
to the floor.
While Rosco was trying to find his way out from under the bale of hay,
the boys had made a run for the loaner car Cooter had given them while
he was fixing the General. The car slowly threw dirt and gravel as
the boys tore out of the yard. Rosco threw the bale off him and ran
out of the barn in time to be showered in dirt. As he ran to his patrol
car he yelled for Enos to collect what was left of the evidence.
"And as for you, Jesse, you better hope I don't decide to use them boys
for target practice when I catch 'em!"
As the patrol car screamed out of the yard, Jesse turned to Enos in shock.
"What has gotten in to him?!" he exclaimed.
The boys, meanwhile, were punishing the sedan in their escape.
"So," Bo spat, "he wasn't gonna find anythin' huh?"
"What, you think I knew that was in there? Somebody's settin' us up."
"Do I have to bother with my guess of who it could be?"
"We've gotta find those two guys in that brown sedan," Luke said.
"And how do we do that when we don't have the General and we've got law
enforcement's answer to Dopey on our tail?"
"If we can lose Rosco long enough we can CB Cooter and see if he can
have the General in running condition quick."
"If we can lose Rosco in this thing," Bo said. He checked his mirrors
and saw Rosco was catching up quick. "He's on us like a flea to a hound
dog."
"Go 'cross country. That should shake him off," Luke suggested.
"Alright," Bo said and steered the sedan off the road and through a field.
Rosco followed without missing a beat.
Bo swung the sedan in several different directions figuring Rosco would
fall behind. He didn't. He stayed right with Bo.
"Shepherd to Lost Sheep, Shepherd to Lost Sheep. You boys all right?"
Luke picked up the mike. "No worse than usual. We've got Rosco practically
in the trunk."
"You boys better be careful. I don't know what the heck's gotten into
him but he told me before he took off that I better hope he doesn't
use you boys for target practice if he catches you."
The boys looked at each other in horror. That certainly wasn't something
Rosco would say.
"And he sounded serious too," Jesse continued. "So if he catches you,
don't make him mad."
"We won't, Uncle Jesse," Luke said. "We're gone."
The boys were soon heading toward the dry creek bed and Bo aimed the
sedan straight for it. The sedan hit an incline and became airborne,
clearing the creek but not as gracefully as the General Lee would have.
The boys landed safely on the other side as Rosco made the jump. He
cleared the creek bed and landed relatively professionally on the other
side.
Bo had lost some acceleration upon landing and Rosco was able to take
advantage of that by over powering the sedan and cutting in front of
the boys, bringing everything to a stop.
Rosco got out of his patrol car and aimed his gun at the boys over the
roof of the car.
"Alright," he said cooly, "out of the car. Nice and slowly."
The boys looked at Rosco in shock.
You know, I have a feeling if Rosco shoots that thing, I don't
think he's gonna miss.
The boys obliged and slowly and carefully got out of the car.
"Now, get in back," Rosco said, waving the gun toward the back of the patrol car.
"Alright," Luke said easily. "Just take it easy with that thing."
"I ain't worried about it going off," Rosco replied evenly.
Bo and Luke exchanged glances of concern and then got in to the patrol
car.
* * *
From the garage, Cooter watched as Rosco pulled up with Bo and Luke
in the back of the patrol car.
He watched as the boys were cuffed by Rosco and then led into the police
station. He went to his CB and picked up the mike.
Ol' Cooter CB'd Uncle Jesse to tell him the boys had been arrested.
Jesse told Cooter he was headin' to town and asked him to call
Daisy at the Boar's Nest.
"Will do, Uncle Shepherd. I'm gone."
* * *
The pay phone at the Boar's Nest rang twice before MaryAnne picked
it up.
"Boar's Nest, MaryAnne speaking...hey Cooter what's up?"
"Nothing good. Is Daisy there?"
"Yeah, but she's in the store room. Hold on a minute, I'll get her."
"No, wait, just tell her that Rosco has arrested the boys for counterfeitin'."
"What?!"
So Cooter explained to MaryAnne about the boys accident and the
phony money they gave to Enos and him.
"Jumpin' Geehosafat," MaryAnne said, borrowing one of Rosco's trademark
lines. "Rosco wouldn't believe his own nose was on his face if he didn't
see it in the mirror everyday. Ok, I'll let Daisy know, Cooter, thanks
a lot. We'll be in town as soon as we can." MaryAnne hung up the phone
and then went to find Daisy.
* * *
Boss was relishing his victory in his courthouse office after Rosco
reported on his capturing the Dukes.
"Ho ho, Rosco this couldn't have worked out better," Boss was saying
to Rosco who was standing in front of Boss's desk. "With them boys
passin' that phony money to Cooter and to Enos and all that evidence,
there isn't a circuit judge in this state that won't convict."
"And not just on the counterfeitin' charge," Rosco said. "We've got all
them other changes too. Don't that just wreck their probation."
"Yeah," Boss said with an amused laugh. "And of course you'll get your
regular cut and maybe a little more for doin' such a fine job."
"Which would be?"
"Uh," Boss fudged a bit. "Fifty percent of fifty percent of fifty percent."
Rosco raised an eyebrow. "Twelve and a half?"
"Uh," Boss fudged again. "Oh, is that what that equals? I meant fifty
percent of fifty percent."
"Don't you mean fifty percent across the board?"
"Oh. Yeah. Of course. Fifty-fifty," Boss said in stiff pleasantness.
"Alright, alright, never mind that. Listen, I want you to get out to
the barn and see how them fellas are doin'."
"Alright. Do you want me to take those plates out there?"
"No, not yet. We're gonna need those for the evidence against the Dukes."
Rosco nodded and put his hat on. He walked out of Boss's office as
Daisy and MaryAnne came charging into the booking room.
"Rosco, you've got a lot of gall to trump up a charge like counterfeitin'
against my cousins," Daisy declared.
"It's not trumped up," Rosco replied. "The evidence was strewn all over
the barn. Them boys messed up when they passed that phony twenty dollar
bill to Enos."
"Evidence my foot," MaryAnne spat. "If them boys knew it was fake they
wouldn't have tried to pass it to Enos. Come on, Rosco, you have better
sense than that."
"Well, it's too bad them boys didn't have enough sense to not give counterfeit
money to a law enforcement officer," Rosco said and brushed passed
Daisy and MaryAnne.
"Oh, come on, Rosco, them boys are being framed and you know it. In fact,
I wouldn't be surprised if you're the one doing the framing!" MaryAnne
said as Rosco walked out of the booking room. He didn't respond to
her searing accusation.
"What has gotten in to him? Was that even Rosco I was talking to?" MaryAnne
said.
"He was like that when he came out to the farm," Luke said from the holding
cell. "His driving all of a sudden improved too. Of course, we didn't
have the General so that may have been a part of it."
"He's not himself at all. When he left the Boar's Nest this morning he
didn't even acknowledge me," MaryAnne said. She went to the window
in time to see Rosco drive away. "I blew it off at the time but, man
I don't know. I'd follow him but I don't have a car."
"Yes, you do," Daisy said. "Take Dixie, the keys are in it."
"You're gonna let me take Dixie?"
"Yeah."
"You may be right, MaryAnne. Rosco's weird behavior may have something
to do with us being in here," Luke said.
"Yeah," MaryAnne said. "Alright, I'll see what I can find out. Thanks,
Daisy." She quickly left the booking room and scurried out of the courthouse
to Daisy's Jeep.
She drove off as Uncle Jesse pulled up.
"Wonder where she's goin'?" Jesse said as he got out of the pick up.
He then shrugged it off and headed into the court house.
After Boss tried to trick Rosco out of a straight 50-50 split,
Rosco started gettin' his own ideas and was plannin' to double cross
Boss. And poor MaryAnne is about to get caught in the crossfire.
After taking a couple of shortcuts, MaryAnne finally caught up to Rosco.
She turned Dixie's CB to the police channel and picked up the mike.
"Rosco, this is MaryAnne, I'm right behind ya. Pull over, we've gotta
talk."
Rosco looked at the Jeep, that was about four car lengths behind, in
his rearview mirror. He picked up the CB mike. "We already talked,
MaryAnne. Them boys are guilty of counterfeitin'. In fact, not only
are they guilty of counterfeitin', they're guilty of resistin' arrest,
assaultin' an officer and destruction of evidence."
"Baloney! Man, you gotta lot gall to add all those other charges. But
that's not what I wanna talk to you about. I wanna talk about your
attitude. You ain't yourself."
"I feel like myself."
"Rosco, come on, pull over, I'm worried about you."
"MaryAnne, you have nothin' to worry about. I'm fine. Now go back to
town and let me do my work."
"No way. You ain't been the same since you left the Boar's Nest this
morning. Now I want to know what's goin' on."
Rosco looked at the Jeep in his rearview mirror. "That cousin of my is
turnin' out to be more trouble then she's worth," he muttered. He pushed
the talk button. "Alright, MaryAnne," he said. "I'll pull over." He
then jerked the steering wheel hard to the left and turned the patrol
car completely around in the direction of the Jeep. As he accelerated,
he withdrew his gun and aimed out the window at the Jeep.
"Rosco!" MaryAnne yelled when she realized what he was going to do. Rosco fired and the Jeep swerved as the left front tire blew out. MaryAnne gripped the steering wheel as the Jeep skidded off the road and into a ditch. Rosco continued on down the road.
MaryAnne was still gripping the steering wheel after the Jeep had settled.
The knuckles on her slim fingers were white, about the same as her
face. "Good Lord," she whispered. "I can't believe he did that."
After a moment she peeled her fingers off the steering wheel and climbed
out of the Jeep. She paused a moment by the Jeep, her legs about ready
to give out from under her, her heat pounding wildly. She looked up
the road in the direction Rosco went but didn't see the white patrol
car and hoped she wouldn't.
She then looked at the Jeep.
"Oh, Dixie," she sighed, "I shouldn't have gotten you into this. Can't
change that tire either." She leaned in to change the CB channel and
then picked up the mike.
"Songbird to Crazy C. You gotcha ears on? Come back."
"Hear ya singin’ loud and strong, Songbird. What's goin' on?"
"Well, I'm out here on Mill Pond Road and I've got Daisy's Jeep, and
I've got a flat tire. Now I know how to change a flat but it's kind
of hard to do when the vehicle's in a ditch. Can you come out and help?"
"That's a big ten-four. But what the heck happened?"
"I'll explain when you get here. Let me just say I think a second civil
war is about to begin."
"Hmm. Well, you just sit tight, MaryAnne, I'm on my way."
"Okay, Cooter, thanks a lot." She put the CB mike back on the radio.
After a while of hearing the birds chirp and the wind blow, MaryAnne
heard a car approaching. She turned and saw the white patrol car.
The car slowed down in front of her and MaryAnne saw Rosco pointing his
gun through the open passenger window at her.
Shoot, and I'd thought he'd gone back to make sure she was all
right.
MaryAnne stared at her cousin in horror. His blue eyes looked like those
of a complete stranger.
"Rosco," she pleaded.
"I don't wanna hurt ya," he said. "But you're turnin' out to be more
trouble than I want to deal with. Get in."
MaryAnne got into the patrol car and Rosco drove off in the direction
he had originally been going.
After a few minutes, Cooter arrived where the Jeep had gone off the road.
He pulled his truck to side of the road and got out.
"MaryAnne?" he called, looking around. He went to the Jeep and looked
over the flat tire. He looked around again, calling MaryAnne's name.
He then looked down and saw foot prints and fresh tire tracks.
Cooter returned to his truck and grabbed the CB mike.
"Breaker one, breaker one might be crazy but I ain't dumb, Crazy Cooter,
any Dukes home on the Hazzard Net? Come on."
Cooter received no response and repeated his call several times still
not getting a response. He tossed the CB mike on the seat and went
to work to get the Jeep out of the ditch and changing the tire.
* * *
Rosco pulled into the yard of an old barn and cut the engine.
"What's here?" MaryAnne asked.
"Just hush and get out," he said and opened the driver door. MaryAnne
got out of the car and joined Rosco on the other side of the patrol
car. He escorted her into the barn.
When they got inside, MaryAnne saw two men standing by a printing press
and several stacks of counterfeit money on the table and on the floor.
"It is a frame up!" she exclaimed. "You and Boss are framin' them nice
Duke boys. Man, I can't believe I'm related to you!"
"Shut up," Rosco spat and grabbed a piece of rope off a nearby table.
He then grabbed her arm and pulled her hand behind her.
"Ow, Rosco," she said when he pulled the other arm. When he finished
tying her hands he made her sit on the floor.
"Who's that?" Frank asked.
"My nosy cousin. But that's not our problem right now. Hogg tried to
cheat me out of a fair cut which means he'll probably cheat you guys
too."
"Ha," MaryAnne chuckled. "Boss had been cheatin' you for over 25 years
and you're now gonna do somethin' about it?"
Rosco ignored her. "The other plates are in the evidence lock up in town.
I can get those plates out here and then we can move this operation
out of the county and all take a fair cut."
"What about her?" Frank gestured to MaryAnne.
"We'll leave her here. Somebody'll find her."
"What about them Duke boys?"
"Who cares? If the counterfeitin' charge don't stick the others will,
which will revoke their probation and they'll end up goin' to jail
for a long time."
"What about Hogg?" Joe asked
Rosco paused with gleam in his eye. "Well, like she said, he's been cheatin'
me for over 25 years, now I get my revenge."
* * *
After changing the flat tire on Dixie, Cooter hooked the Jeep up to
his truck and returned to town.
When he came into the booking room he found Uncle Jesse, Daisy and Enos
talking with the boys.
Cooter told the Dukes and Enos about MaryAnne callin' on the CB
about the flat tire and that when he got there she wasn't there. Daisy
told Cooter how she let MaryAnne take Dixie to follow Rosco because
MaryAnne was concerned about his strange behavior.
"Maybe Rosco picked her up?" Bo suggested.
"Yeah, but we heard their conversation over the radio and the last thing
Rosco said was that he was gonna pull over," Luke said. "If they pulled
over how'd the Jeep get a flat?"
"And end up in the ditch like she was," Cooter added. "It sure as heck
didn't go in willingly."
"Maybe it blew out just before she pulled over," Daisy said.
"Maybe Rosco shot it out," Luke said.
"Oh come on," Bo said, "Rosco wouldn't shoot at his own cousin."
"No, but maybe he didn't want her following him to where he was goin',"
Luke said.
"Where would that be?" Bo asked.
"I don't know. Boss always seems to have a coupla guys workin' out of
an old barn he foreclosed on. Maybe Rosco was checkin' on production."
"Gee Luke, you think there's two guys in a barn somewhere printin' counterfeit
money?"
"And working for Boss Hogg? Yeah, you'd think we'd know better by now.
I don't think them two guys just randomly picked us to frame."
"Shoot, I knew y'all weren't printin' no funny money," Enos said. "But
I don't think Mr. Hogg would be tryin' to frame y'all."
"Enos," Bo said, "he's done it before, he's most likely doin' it now,
and he's sure as heck gonna do it again. What doesn't fit into all
of this is why Rosco's acting so weird."
"And what happened to MaryAnne," Daisy said. "I've got a feelin' she's
in trouble."
"And we ain't doin' her or ourselves any good by standin' around here,"
Luke said. "Cooter, is the General in runnin' condition?"
"Yeah, he's driveable but he ain't got a left front fender. I haven't
had a chance to do the body work yet."
"And what about Dixie?" Luke asked.
"Yep, she's ready to go."
"Alright." Luke looked at Enos. "Enos, you've gotta let us out of here.
You know we're innocent."
"I know y'all are innocent but I can't just let ya out."
"Well, what about bail?" Bo asked.
"Mr. Hogg denied y'alls bail because of the seriousness of the charges."
"Well, looks like you're gonna have to add another charge to the list,
Enos," Luke said. "Escape."
"Now y'all ain't gonna try to break out of jail are ya?"
"Enos, either you let us out, or we'll let ourselves out," Bo said. "MaryAnne
could be in trouble. You don't want nothin' to happen to her do ya?"
"Shoot, no. I wouldn’t want nothin’ to happen to MaryAnne.”
"Well, then it's settled," Bo said. "Open the door."
Enos looked at everyone for a moment and then took the keys off his belt
and unlocked the door, while everyone cheered.
"Alright," Luke said after he and Bo stepped out of the cell. "Now, Cooter,
where'd you find the Jeep?"
"Out on Mill Pond Road, about half a mile past the Chickasaw junction."
"Great," Bo muttered. "You know how many back roads there are out that
way?"
"A lot. We're gonna have to split up," Luke said. "There's a lot of old
barns too. We should check those. Boss could have a counterfeitin'
operation set up any where."
"Well let's get goin'!" Bo exclaimed. Everyone filed out of the booking
room and jogged out of the courthouse.
"And keep close on the CB," Luke called to everyone as they dispersed
for their respective vehicles. "Channel seventeen."
The boys went to Cooter's to get the General, who without his left front
fender, resembled what Rosco's patrol car sometimes looked like.
"Now I know how Rosco feels," Bo said.
* * *
On the other side of Hazzard Square, Rosco watched as everyone drove
off.
Just as Rosco had come into town to get the plates, everyone had
driven off to find MaryAnne, which Rosco figured. After he got the
plates, Rosco went over to the impound yard and got another car which
he towed behind his patrol car to one of the back roads near Mill Pond
Road before anyone else got out there. He left the
patrol car on the side of the road for everyone to find and took the
other car back to the hideout.
"Okay, I've got the plates," Rosco announced as he came in. "We've gotta
move fast, half the town's out looking for her."
"Hey, that's your fault," MaryAnne said. "You should have left me with
the Jeep."
Rosco only acknowledged her with a glance. "I left my patrol car off
a road near where I found her. That should throw them off long enough
to buy us some time to pack up and get out of here, so let's get movin'."
While Rosco, Frank and Joe were quickly packing things up, MaryAnne had
quietly broken out of the ropes.
After everything had been cleared out, Rosco came back in one more time.
"Well," MaryAnne said, "I hope you have fun. Maybe Lulu and I will visit
you on Sundays when you get to the state pen. Are you sure this is
how you wanna end a 35-year law enforcement career?"
"MaryAnne, sometimes a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."
"Really? Does that include forcin' kinfolk off the road and pointin'
a gun at them?"
"I'm sorry," he said. "But I told you to go back to town."
"Oh, sure blame me. It's all my fault. I get tied up and scuffed by my
own cousin, who is part of the very little I have left for family,
just because I was worried about him. This is the thanks I get? Fine,
Rosco, you go ahead and do what you gotta do. Been nice knowin' ya."
She looked away, more or less to hide the dew that had started to settle
in her eyes.
Rosco took a step toward her saying, "Do you want me to loosen the ropes?"
"No, I don't want you to loosen the ropes," she spat.
Rosco stopped and looked at her for a moment. He then turned and quietly
left the barn.
"I already have and don't think I ain't gonna try and stop ya," MaryAnne
said softly and freed her hands from the loose ropes. She blinked away
the tears and got up.
* * *
When the Dukes, Cooter and Enos got to Mill Pond Road, everyone split
up.
Daisy found the patrol car.
"Lost Sheep, Lost Sheep it's Bo Peep. I'm over here near Highridge Trail,
and I've found Rosco's patrol car."
"Any sign of Rosco or MaryAnne?" Luke asked.
"No. To be honest it looks like he dumped it here."
"What would he do that for?" Bo asked.
"I don't know but I'm starting to get one of my gut feelings," Luke said.
"Yeah, I know what you mean," Bo said.
Luke pushed the talk button. "Daisy, are there any barns near there
that you can see?"
"Yes, there's one up the hill. I was gonna check it out."
"Okay, be careful and let us know what you find."
"I will. I'm gone."
* * *
MaryAnne had removed her high heeled sandals and stood watching from
the backside of the barn as Rosco saw the other two men off. When they
left and Rosco got into his car, MaryAnne started running.
Just as he pushed down on the accelerator and the car started to move,
MaryAnne jumped on to the trunk of the car.
"What the--" Rosco looked in his rearview mirror."What is that girl doin'?!"
MaryAnne climbed on to the roof and hung on for the ride. Rosco, however,
brought the car to stop.
The driver door flew open and Rosco bolted out standing a few feet from
the car and pointing his pearl handled pistol at MaryAnne.
"Alright, get off of there," he said.
MaryAnne paused then smiled. "It wasn't supposed to work like that."
Carefully, she shifted her position from lying on her stomach to sitting
up with her knees bent. She made it look as though she was going to
simply leap off the car and instead leapt off and knocked over Rosco.
She grabbed for the gun and they fought for it, keeping it pointed it
outward in case it went off. Rosco was trying to push MaryAnne off
him and keep the gun out of her reach at the same time. MaryAnne had
a firm grip on his arm and was trying to pull it toward her. Although
not as big as Rosco, MaryAnne was giving it all she had, scuffling
around in the dirt with the last person in the world she ever would
have thought of getting into a physical fight with, all for a gun neither
would have seriously considered using on the other.
As much as she didn't want to hurt Rosco, MaryAnne had no choice. She
curled her fingers of the hand that was gripping his arm so that her
fingernails dug into the flesh of his forearm.
"Ow!" he exclaimed, losing his grip on the gun. MaryAnne grabbed the
gun with her other hand. She wildly pulled her hand away and ended
up knocking Rosco upside the head with the gun.
She gasped. "Oh Rosco!"
He was out cold.
"Oh no," she said. She looked at the gun that was in her hand and then
tossed it aside like an unwanted germ infested rag. She then lighlty
touched a hand to Rosco's face. "Rosco? Oh, cousin what did I do?"
From the car she heard Daisy's voice over the CB.
"Lost Sheep, they're not here. Nobody's been here in years."
"Okay, Daisy. Let's all keep lookin'," Luke said.
MaryAnne ran to the car and picked up the CB mike. "Daisy! Daisy, it's
me, MaryAnne. Listen, I'm near a barn over here by Eastland Corners.
Them two guys that are framin' the boys are headin' toward the county
line."
"MaryAnne, are you okay?" Daisy asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine, but Rosco ain't and them two guys are gettin' away!"
"Don't worry, MaryAnne, me and Bo are on our way to stop 'em," Luke said.
Bo then turned the General around and the boys sped off toward the
county line.
"MaryAnne," Daisy said. "You sit tight. I'm on my way to Eastland Corners."
"Okay."
"Enos!" Boss Hogg called from somewhere. "What's goin' on out there?
What are them Duke boys doin' out of jail?"
Enos crossed his fingers. "Uh, I don't know, Mr. Hogg," he said and uncrossed
his fingers. "But it sounds like they're chasin' the two fellas who
gave them that phony money."
"MaryAnne, what are you doin' out by Eastland Corners?" Boss asked.
"Rosco brought me out here."
"Rosco?! That jackass is even dumber under hypnosis."
"What?!" MaryAnne exclaimed. "Hypnosis? You put him under hypnosis? So
that's why he's been acting so weird. What'd you put him under hypnosis
for?"
"Uh...I'll explain when I get there."
Uh-huh, ol' Boss is gonna have to be real creative trying to explain
this.
Daisy arrived to find MaryAnne bent over Rosco who was still out cold
on the ground.
"Oh MaryAnne, what happened?" she asked kneeling by MaryAnne.
"I hit him," MaryAnne sobbed. "We were strugglin' for that stupid gun
and I accidentally hit him when I got it. Daisy, I think I hit him
really hard."
Meanwhile, Bo and Luke were catching up to Frank and Joe.
"Alright, there they are," Luke announced pointing to the brown sedan
that was traveling along the road that ran parallel to one the Dukes
were on.
"Okay, Bo, why don't we pay 'em back," Luke said.
"You got it," Bo said and kept the General steady as the two roads met.
"Frank, look out!" Joe exclaimed.
Frank swerved to avoid hitting the General and skidded off the road slamming
the car into a tree.
Bo brought the General to a stop and the boys went to the brown sedan.
"Oh gee, we're sorry about that," Bo said. "My cousin here was showin'
me somethin' on the map and I just didn't see ya there."
* * *
After the boys caught Frank and Joe, they went to the barn in
time to hear Boss explain why Rosco had been put under hypnosis.
The boys, Cooter, Enos, Uncle Jesse and Boss all seemed to converge at
the same time around where Rosco still lay on the ground.
"What happened to him?" Boss asked.
"I hit him," MaryAnne explained. "I didn't mean it but we were struggling
for his gun and I hit him with it when I got it. Do you know how many
times he's pointed that dang thing at me?" She glared at Boss. "Why'd
you put him under hypnosis?"
"Well, uh, I wanted to see if I could, uh, make him a better law enforcement
officer," Boss said.
"Yeah, right. Let me tell you somethin'. You drop all the charges against
Bo and Luke here or I'm gonna have to tell my little secret."
"What little secret?" Boss asked.
MaryAnne whispered in Boss's ear about how Rosco was going to double
cross him.
"He was?" he said in shock.
"Oh yeah. See, when he brought me out here..." and she whispered the
rest. "Let me tell you," she spoke aloud, "I would not have been a
happy camper if that had happened. Of course, neither would you. Now
are you gonna drop the charges?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah I'll drop the charges, I'll drop the charges."
"Good." MaryAnne looked at Rosco. "Now if only he would come around."
She gently stroked his hair and after a few moments he opened his eyes.
"There he is," everyone chorused.
MaryAnne and Daisy helped Rosco to sit up. He looked around at everyone
for a moment.
"Rosco?" MaryAnne said. "Y'all right?"
Rosco brought one hand to his throbbing head. He looked down at the gouges
on his arm then at MaryAnne. "I don't know," he said. "I feel like
I just woke up from a bad dream but I-" He looked at the gouges again,
"don't remember anything."
"You're gonna be all right, Rosco," MaryAnne said giving him a hug. "I'm
just glad to have you back." She then helped him to his feet.
"Oh. Have I been away?"
"Yep. You've been on quite a trip. Come on, I'll take you to Doc Applebee
and I'll explain everything on the way."
Boss did drop the charges against the Dukes and luckily for him,
them two badies didn't try to tie Boss into the whole thing when the
State Police arrested them. Boss even paid to have the General repaired
and dropped the speedin' ticket Enos had issued.
MaryAnne told Rosco all that he had done while under hypnosis and
that the gouges in his arm came from her.
"I did what??" Rosco asked. He and MaryAnne were at Doc Applebee's, where
Rosco was getting his arm bandaged up.
"You pointed that dang gun at me a few dozen times. I thought for sure
you were goin' to shoot it at some point."
"I wouldn't do that."
"No. You wouldn't. But the fella that looked and talked like you today
might have."
"MaryAnne, I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Of course I can. But can you forgive me for practically clawing your
arm off and whackin' ya in the head?"
Rosco smiled. "That's not your fault. Just remind me to never get into
a fight with ya."
MaryAnne giggled and gave Rosco a hug.
Boss had the Professor completely dehypnotize Rosco and despite
MaryAnne's forgiveness, Rosco still felt bad about all that he had
done. So he offered to do all of MaryAnne's chores at the Boar's Nest
for a whole week. He even apologized to Jesse after he found out about
the choice words he had spoken about the boys.
And the boys were curious about what MaryAnne's secret had been,
but she wouldn't give in.
MaryAnne was sitting with the boys at a table at the Boar's Nest while
Rosco was doing all her work when Luke asked what her secret to Boss
had been.
"If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret," she said with a smile. It faded
almost as quick. "And if the wrong person heard it, Rosco could go
to jail. I wouldn't, nor do I think would you, want to see that happen."
Luke's eyebrows fluttered. "No," he said. "I guess we wouldn't."
MaryAnne looked at Rosco in time to see him drop one of the glasses he
had been cleaning. She flinched then shook her head. It was the eighth
glass in two days.
"Boss would probably have a different feelin' about that though," she
said.
Yep, things were back to normal in Hazzard County.